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Never Split the Difference: Negotiation tactics every event marketer should steal
- Caylee Donaldson
- Jan 22
- 5 min read
Key takeaways from Chris Voss' must read book, 'Never Split the Difference' — applied to event marketing, and stakeholder buy-in.
Event marketing looks like campaigns, content, websites, emails, and social.
But behind the scenes? It’s negotiation. Constantly.
A sponsor wants “more value” (aka: “can we pay less but get more?”)
A speaker is interested… but slow to commit
A supplier quote lands higher than you budgeted
A stakeholder wants results yesterday but won’t approve the spend
Most marketers respond by doing one of two things: push harder or discount.
Chris Voss (former FBI hostage negotiator) offers a third option: influence through clarity, calm, and control — without being aggressive. His book Never Split the Difference isn’t about winning arguments. It’s about getting better outcomes by understanding what’s driving the other person, and guiding the conversation from there. |  |
Below are the most useful tactics from the book — translated into event marketing scenarios you can use immediately.
Why event marketers should care about negotiation
Because you’re negotiating whether you call it that or not.
Sponsorship packages are negotiations on value, deliverables, and internal stakeholder needs.
Speaker recruitment is negotiation around effort, perceived risk, and personal benefit.
Supplier management is negotiation around scope, costs, timelines, and trade-offs.
Internal buy-in is negotiation around priorities, resources, and credibility.
The biggest myth: negotiation is about being persuasive.
Voss’s approach: negotiation is about being useful — helping the other party feel understood so they reveal the real constraints.
That’s where progress happens.
1) Tactical empathy: make them feel understood before you pitch
Voss calls it tactical empathy: understanding someone’s position and emotions, then reflecting that back clearly. It’s not agreement. It’s acknowledgement.
In event marketing, this is the difference between:
“Here’s why our audience is valuable
…and…
“I can see why you’d be cautious — you’ve likely sponsored events before where the lead quality didn’t match the promise.”
When people feel understood, they stop defending and start collaborating.
Use it here:
Sponsors: “It sounds like you need this to translate into pipeline, not just visibility.”
Speakers: “It seems like your biggest concern is time and making sure it’s worth the effort.”
Internal stakeholders: “It looks like you’re trying to protect the budget because the last campaign didn’t deliver.”
2) Mirroring: the simplest way to unlock the real objection
Mirroring is almost comically simple: repeat the last 1–3 key words the other person said, with a curious tone.
It works because people naturally want to explain themselves. And in events, the first objection is rarely the real one.
Examples:
Sponsor says: “We’re not ready to commit yet. ”You: “Not ready to commit?”
Speaker says: “I’m not sure the timing works. ”You: “Timing?”
Supplier says: “Given the brief, that’s the cost.” You: “That’s the cost?”
Then pause.
The pause is doing the heavy lifting. You’ll often get the truth:
“We need sign-off from the US team.”
“We’ve already committed to two events this quarter.”
“We assumed you needed premium X, Y, Z.”
Now you’re negotiating reality — not guessing.
3) Labeling: name what’s going on to lower resistance
Labeling is when you calmly name the emotion or dynamic you’re hearing:
“It sounds like…”
“It seems like…”
“It looks like…”
This works because it reduces tension. People relax when you articulate what they haven’t said directly.
Event-specific labels that land:
“It sounds like you’re worried about ROI because you’ve had poor experiences before.”
“It seems like your priority is quality over volume.”
“It looks like internal approvals are the real blocker here.”
Labeling also makes you look confident and in control — even when the conversation is messy.
4) Stop chasing “yes”: learn to use “no” safely
One of Voss’s most useful points: “No” is not failure — it’s often a comfort signal.
In event marketing, “yes” can feel risky. “No” feels safe, because it gives someone control.
So instead of forcing a yes, ask questions that allow a “no” without killing the conversation.
Try these:
“Is this the wrong time in your planning cycle?”
“Would it be a terrible idea to explore a smaller pilot this year?”
“Are you opposed to a quick 10-minute call to sense-check fit?”
You’ll often get a response because it feels lower pressure — and you’re more likely to uncover the real constraints.
5) Calibrated questions: influence without pushing
Voss’s “calibrated questions” start with How and What.
They’re powerful because they make the other person solve the problem with you — instead of you defending your position.
Use them in sponsorship:
“What would make this sponsorship a no-brainer for you?”
“How do you measure success from event partnerships?”
“What would you need to see in the delegate mix to feel confident?”
Use them in speaker outreach:
“What would make this easy for you to say yes to?”
“How do you prefer to contribute — keynote, panel, fireside?”
“What’s most important for you: audience seniority, topic relevance, or positioning?”
Use them with suppliers:
“What’s driving the cost here — labour, equipment, turnaround time?”
“How can we reduce cost without sacrificing the outcome?”
“What would you remove first if you had to cut 15%?”
One calibrated question to keep in your back pocket:
“How am I supposed to do that?”
Use it when a request is unrealistic (scope creep, free extras, impossible deadlines). It forces a rethink without you sounding defensive.
6) Aim for “That’s right” (not “You’re right”)
Voss draws a sharp distinction:
“You’re right” = polite, dismissive, conversation ender
“That’s right” = genuine alignment, forward momentum
You earn “that’s right” by summarising the other person’s worldview accurately.
Example:
“So, you want to sponsor fewer events this year, but when you do, you need senior decision-makers, clear lead reporting, and confidence your team won’t be overloaded with follow-up admin.”
Then pause.
If they say “That’s right,” you’ve reached alignment — and you’re now positioning your solution as the obvious next step.
7) Don’t “split the difference” — trade value instead
The most common event marketing negotiation trap: discounting.
A sponsor hesitates. A supplier quote is high. A stakeholder pushes back. So we shave price to get it over the line.
Voss’s approach is smarter: trade value, don’t give it away.
Examples of smart trades:
“If we include a hosted roundtable, can you confirm by Friday?”
“If we add a second email feature, can you commit to bringing two senior speakers?”
“If we hold the rate, can you extend payment terms or include X deliverable?”
“If we remove Y element, can you keep Z premium item?”
Discounting is easy. Trading is strategic.
A mini swipe file: copy/paste lines for event marketers
Use these in emails, calls, and negotiation moments:
“It sounds like you’re trying to protect your team’s time as much as your budget.”
“It seems like lead quality is your biggest concern.”
“Not the right audience?”
“What would make this worth it for you?”
“How do you measure success from this kind of partnership?”
“Is it a ridiculous idea to start with a smaller test this year?”
“How am I supposed to do that with the current timeline?”
“So what I’m hearing is… (summary).”
Your 10-minute prep checklist before any sponsor/supplier call
Before you jump on the call, set yourself up:
What’s the outcome you want? (fee, deliverables, commitment date, scope clarity)
What’s the likely “no” they’re protecting? (risk, time, credibility, budget cycle)
What’s your best label? (“It seems like…” statement)
What are 3 calibrated questions? (How/What, not Why)
What can you trade? (deliverables, timelines, visibility, access, payment terms)
What won’t you give away for free? (know your line)
Final thought: negotiation is a marketing skill
If you’re an event marketer, you’re already negotiating every week. The difference is whether you’re doing it intentionally.
The best takeaway from Never Split the Difference isn’t a clever line. It’s a mindset shift:
Stop trying to convince. Start trying to understand. Then guide.
If you try one tactic this week, make it mirroring + a pause. It’s the simplest way to uncover what’s really going on — and it’ll immediately improve how you handle sponsors, speakers, suppliers, and stakeholder buy-in.